Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
