you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
