I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
