BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
