be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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