allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
