I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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