How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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