Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
