so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
