Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love you. Go after that dick
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
