It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
