yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
