There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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