I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wear drunk well.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
