life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
