i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
