i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
