I'm going to jail i love you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
