What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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