Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
