Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
