So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
zippers are such a cool invention
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel like death gave me a hand job
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
