It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
