I didn't shave. On purpose
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
