Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
