I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
