The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
