why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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