I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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