Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
