She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
