C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
