The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
