bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
