your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
