I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
