he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
