My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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