ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
