his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
