She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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