I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
