The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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