Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
