I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
