There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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