I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
