You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
