I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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