tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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