Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
