dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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