Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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